Key4Life Mentors Manual

Boundaries

Personal boundaries are the limits we set in relationships. They allow us to protect ourselves from being manipulated by, or trapped with, emotionally needy other people. Such boundaries come from having a good sense of our own self-worth. They are not always easy to set but an important part of growing up.

10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries I Psych Central by MARGARITA TARTAKOVSKY, M.S.

Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and, really, a healthy life.

Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill. We might pick up pointers here and there from experience or through watching others. But for many of us, boundary-building is a relatively new concept and a challenging one.

Having healthy boundaries means “knowing and understanding what your limits are”.

Peer pressure

Peer Pressure: Definition, Examples, and Ways to Cope (verywellmind.com)

Peer pressure is an influence that a peer group, observers or individuals use over your mentee that encourages them to change their attitudes , values ,or behaviour to conform to the group norm.

Peers become an important influence on behaviour during adolescence, and peer pressure has been called a hallmark of adolescent experience.

Peer conformity in young people is most pronounced with respect to style, taste, appearance, ideology, and values. Peer pressure is commonly associated with episodes of adolescent risk taking (such as delinquency, drug abuse, sexual behaviours, and reckless driving) because these activities commonly occur in the company of peers.

Affiliation with friends who engage in risk behaviours has been shown to be a strong predictor of an adolescent's own behaviour. Peer pressure can also have positive effects when youth are pressured by their peers toward positive behaviour, such as volunteering for charity or excelling in academics. The importance of peers declines upon entering adulthood.

While socially accepted kids often have the most opportunities and the most positive experiences, research shows that being in the popular crowd may also be a risk factor for mild to moderate deviant behaviour. Popular adolescents are the most socialized into their peer groups and thus are vulnerable to peer pressures, such as behaviours usually reserved for those of a greater maturity and understanding.

Socially accepted kids are often accepted for the sheer fact that they conform well to the norms of teen culture, good and bad aspects included. Popular adolescents are more strongly associated with their peer groups' likes such as alcohol , tobacco and drugs .

Abusive behaviour

When someone loves you, you feel safe, respected and free to be yourself. You shouldn't be made to feel scared, intimidated or controlled. However, abuse in a relationship can happen to anyone. It's never ok. It can destroy your self-confidence, have a negative impact on your health and wellbeing and leave you feeling isolated and lonely.

Research by the NSPCC1 showed that teenagers didn't understand what constituted abusive behaviours such as controlling behaviours, which could escalate to physical abuse, eg. checking someone's phone, telling them what to wear, who they can/can't see or speak to and that this abuse was prevalent within teen relationships. This led to these abusive behaviours feeling ‘normal’ and therefore left unchallenged as they were not recognised as being abusive. See more in the report.

This is Abuse summary report - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

If you are concerned about your mentee’s relationships, you can use the following check list to assess if the mentee is at risk of emotional abuse in a relationship.

Does this person:

Frequently blame or criticise you
Call you names
Ridicule your beliefs, religion, race class or sexual preference
Blame you for "causing" the abuse
Ridicule/make bad remarks about your gender
Criticize or threaten to hurt your family or friends
Isolate you from your family and friends
Abuse animals
Try to keep you from doing something you wanted to do
Is angry if you pay too much attention to someone or something else
Withhold approval, appreciation or affection
Humiliate you
Become angry if meals or housework are not done to his/her liking
Make contradictory demands
Not include you in important decisions
Not allow you to sleep
Repeatedly harass you about things you did in the past
Take away car keys, money or credit cards
Threaten to leave or has told you to leave.
Listen to your phone calls, look at phone bills, check the mileage on the car, etc.)
Tell people you suffer from a mental illness
Threaten to commit suicide
Interfere with your work or school
Provoke a fight in the morning, call to harass you at work, etc
Minimize or deny being abusive
Break dates and cancels plans without reason
Use drugs or alcohol to excuse their behaviour
Usesphrases like "I’ll show you who is boss," or "I’ll put you in line"
Use loud or intimidating tone of voice
Come home at late hours refusing an explanation

General - Relationships and family

Boundaries

Peer pressure

Abusive behaviour

This website uses cookies.